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Love bombing

November 16, 2012

Love bombing is a concept that originates from the eminent psychologist Margaret Singer. It can be employed in numerous situations but originally was explored in groups or cults. It works as a way of luring people into a belief system by bombarding them with affection, praise and offers of friendship. It appears to be a kind and welcoming gift to the vulnerable and is used a form of persuasion.

One should ask oneself why are you being bombarded with all this ‘love’. In real life how many people in a balanced relationship would act in this manner? What actually makes you, or conditions make you so special in this circumstance? Could it be possible that you are being beguiled for some ulterior motive? One should be suspicious since love bombing is often associated with a predator.

Psychopaths commonly engage in love bombing as their hook, to sink their claws into their victims. The flattery, declarations of love and romantic encounters bond and attract the victims to them. This process is not reciprocal. Since psychopaths attach to others without emotionally bonding to them, they only bond the target, not the predator. Such techniques pump up the victim’s confidence and get her addicted to the supply: of flattery, of romantic words and gestures, or constant displays of “affection” and lovemaking. But only one person–the victim–is actually making love. The other one–the predator–is conquering her, getting her to depend upon his presence and approval, so that he can later tear her apart. That is a psychopath’s main goal: to exercise control over his targets and ultimately harm them. The psychopathic bond is, as Sandra Brown aptly puts it, “a relationship of inevitable harm.”


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  1. julia permalink

    It is easy to understand how one can fall under this spell. You are singled out upon entry into the Sanga with an initiation ceremony. You are made to feel special and encouraged to enjoy the limelight. The strange phenomena is that you believe it to be part of the culture and do not think to question why this is happening. There are times when it feels overwhelming and you question yourself but on the other hand you enjoy the sensation of knowing that you are special. So the point is have you encouraged this behavior. The answer to that is an emphatic no, You cannot run against the tide you are just part of the ebb and flow. You are being toyed with drawn into the lair.

  2. rose permalink

    Well I think you can run against the tide but in that case we were trusting this tradiion very much, but in many points I had become very suspicious…

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